Category: Struggle

It All Boils Down to a Choice

Posted on by Paula

She told me she needed to get her life straightened out. She thought she was strong enough for the choice she would face, but she slipped up again, just one day short of celebrating 90 days of staying clean. Although God had been strengthening her each day, Satan was waiting for the opportune time to entice her. In just one weak moment, she fell back into the trap. She relapsed. Disappointment, anger, guilt and regret followed.

A few days later, another woman shared with me that God had convicted her of a habit that was coming between her & him. She wanted to stop, but years of participating in the behavior made it difficult. She asked if I would pray for her.

I could relate all too well to their stories. I too started making some changes in my life this year, and I totally understand. The struggle is real!

I had neglected taking care of myself for years because I was too busy. As a result, I was sick and exhausted. When I cried out to God about my troubles, he convicted me. If the Holy Spirit dwells in my body, and I am to offer my body as a living sacrifice, I need to take care of it. How could I be of use to God, and how could I take care of others if I didn’t take care of myself? I needed to trust God to help me make the necessary changes and stay afloat with my busy life.

Every day has been a battle since that day I decided it was time to make those changes. I don’t want to go to bed early, but I don’t get enough sleep if I stay up late. I’d rather stay in my warm bed than get up early to exercise, especially when it’s cold and dark. However, I know that most of the time, I will be too tired and busy to exercise if I wait until I get home from work. I want to eat sugar, breads, dairy and junk food, but I know that my body will have more trouble if I indulge too much of those things. I am an excessive person, and am not always in the right frame of mind to do things in moderation.

I am the poster child for “the spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak.” I want to always please God by being obedient to him, but I love chocolate and sleep! Some days are easier than others as I’m learning to take my cross up daily and follow him. During this long, drawn-out battle, I have learned that it all boils down to my choices. I will either choose to obey the Holy Spirit and please God or I will choose to ignore the Holy Spirit and please myself. When I’m tempted to stay in bed, cheat on my diet or skip exercise, I am choosing to satisfy my flesh rather than to please God.

When the Holy Spirit convicts me of a behavior in my life that is keeping me from God or keeping me from living the life he called me to, then he will enable me and empower me to overcome. If I choose to ignore the Holy Spirit for too long, my heart could become hard and could risk no longer hearing his voice.

The choice is ours. Pray for God to help you surrender to him. Listen to the Holy Spirit’s convictions. He will empower you to overcome.

Remember All He Has Done!

Posted on by Paula

I was asking “Why?” one day. God has answered so many of my prayers lately, but he has also remained silent or even said, “No”concerning some things I’ve been praying about for a long time. I believe that my motives in what I’m asking are pure and that what I’m asking would advance the kingdom, but for some reason, God has yet to come in and save the day.

Satan can really start to mess with a person’s mind in times like this, “You’ve been praying about this for over 20 years. If God loves you so much, why won’t he help you out? God is totally able to do what you are asking. Why won’t he fix the situation?”

A thought about this came to me recently, “Stop fretting about what God isn’t doing, and remember all he has done!” My heart was convicted, and my mind started thinking of all the wonderful things that God has done for me.

I remembered the pile of shells sitting at my table on the porch. Back in June I wrote a post called, “What Do These Shells Mean?” At that time, I was remembering some of the encounters that I had with God and writing them down on seashells I had found at the ocean. I had planned on making a wind chime with those shells, but I didn’t have time to complete the project.

This Sunday, I decided that it was time to do something with those shells. Sorting through them was good. They reminded me of so many wonderful things that God had done. I even had a few things to add because over the past few months, God has continued to bless me and to allow me to experience how good he is.

There are many great spiritual markers written on those shells. Each one of those encounters with God strengthened my faith and deepened my relationship with him. Likewise, each experience with God has made an impact on my life that has helped transform me to be more like Jesus.

I’m sure that I will add even more shells to this wind chime as God continues to pour into my life. There is already one shell on there, though, that will always be the most important shell. It hangs in the center just below the shell that celebrates the day I was born. It reads, “Born Again, July 24, 1977.”

That shell represents the day that I received new life. When my body was immersed under the water, I died to myself; my sin was washed away. When my body came up out of the water, I was raised back to life in Jesus. When I think about the day that I was baptized into Christ, it puts everything back into perspective. Giving my life to Jesus and learning to follow him has been the most rewarding decision that I’ve ever made. After my baptism, the Holy Spirit came to live in me and to empower me to do God’s will. Through Jesus, I will experience eternal life with him in heaven. All the other shells on that wind chime and all of the encounters those shells represent are just icing on the cake. That one encounter helps me to stop fretting over what God isn’t doing and remember all he has done.

On the Inside

Posted on by Paula

I have never had a purse that I actually loved until I found this one. The multi-colored sequins was stunning, and the over-sized bow was in the perfect shade of pink. The inside had plenty of pockets and enough room for everything a normal woman wants to take along plus added room for my camera or a book. There was a side pocket for my umbrella. Even the name was perfect, the Betsey Johnson Pink Fairy Bow! Everywhere I went, I received compliments from both friends and strangers about how much they loved my purse. I carried it for 2 or 3 years and was sad when I needed to find a replacement because the edges started showing too much wear and tear.

Yes, that purse was absolutely gorgeous on the outside, but sometimes the inside was a different story. Sometimes I threw so much stuff inside that I couldn’t find the really important things when I’d search for them. Sometimes, I’d try to dig through it very discreetly so that there was no way possible for the people close by to catch a glimpse of the inside. I would have been horrified if anyone could have seen all of gum that spilled on the bottom, the collection of ink pens, the papers, the crumpled up receipts and the many other embarrassing items that got thrown in as I rushed through the day.

I always say that you can tell what my life is like by peeking inside my purse. If my purse is a mess, you can pretty much bet that my car and house are in disarray as well. Dig even deeper into my life, and you may find that I’m not always so well put together on the inside either. Oh the things that we women can accumulate on the inside when life gets too busy. Sometimes we don’t have time to deal with hurt, low self-esteem or feelings of being unloved. Furthermore, if we get overloaded and start feeling like we are carrying more than our fair share of the load, jealousy, anger, bitterness or resentment can start to sneak in. We just keep stuffing it all in there as we deal with task after task. If we let things go too long, we can also start adding guilt, despair, hopelessness, self-pity or self-centeredness.

Yes, when my purse is a mess, you can pretty much guess that my whole life is a mess. Just like I need to periodically dump my purse out and sort through the gunk inside, I also need to give the mess in my life over to God and allow Him to sort through the gunk as well. God can help us get rid of all the garbage that keeps us from living life to the full. He can unclutter our minds, untangle our hearts and fill us with peace.

Let’s allow God to clean our lives up, and let’s encourage each other as well. We never know what someone else is struggling with unless they let us look inside. However, we can ask God to help us see others through his eyes. We can ask Jesus to love the people through us, we can build each other up and we can remind each other of the beauty we see in one another’s lives.

When Things Are Out of Your Control

Posted on by Paula

When things are out of your control, remember Psalm 46:10,

He says, “Be still, and know that I am God;
    I will be exalted among the nations,
    I will be exalted in the earth.” ~Psalm 46:10

Maybe you are scared today and don’t understand why things are happening the way they are. If you are struggling, turn to the One who can replace your anxieties with peace. As soon as you start to worry, nip it in the bud & turn your worry into prayer. Do this whether it’s one time or a hundred times today. The more you practice the promise found in Philippians 4:6-7, the less you’ll worry.

Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. ~Philippians 4:6-7

We have 2 weapons that God has given us to fight with–“the sword of the Spirit,” which is the Word of God, and “prayer.” So use them to fight and stay strong in the Lord, knowing that this life on earth is much shorter than the next life which will be spent either in heaven or in hell, depending on whether or not we have chosen to believe in Jesus and to surrender our lives to him. We can have peace through the difficult times and peace through eternity if we turn to the Lord and trust in him.

So today, pray, pray, pray and trust, trust trust! When you start to get distracted by whatever storm you are encountering, shift your focus to Jesus. Cry out to him. He’s ready to reach his hand out to you. Peace!

In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world. ~Jesus, John 16:33

Be Alert for What Lies in Wait

Posted on by Paula

While spending a week in Florida, my daughter Jessica, daughter-in-law Cassie and I decided to get up early each morning for a run/walk before it got too hot. I was enjoying the different scenery and taking occasional photos of things that could be seen on a walk in Florida that couldn’t be seen on a walk in Illinois.

Cassie had warned me not to look too hard and told me that when she runs alone down there, she prays that she won’t see anything scary. It is a different place down there for sure, but the nice, wide sidewalk running along A1A gave me a sense of security.

The different scenery was intriguing and kept my attention as we ventured along. I saw a crab that had gotten hit while trying to cross the road. I enjoyed watching white ibises walking along the shrubbery. I found the ones roosted on the telephone wires to be quite comical; that is definitely not something to be seen in Illinois. I fell in love with the gorgeous trees that are so different that what grows here, the tropical plants that grow in the trees and especially the huge rubber tree plant that puts the little ones found in offices back home to shame. Instead of our ordinary dandelions, daisy-like yellow flowers threatened to take over the grass. The coconut lying on the ground was a nice find. However, the garden hose in the brush was not so nice when it turned out to be the fastest black snake that I have ever seen. I screamed as it slithered away at lightning speed, and the girls moved me to the middle of the sidewalk. There was also a lizard plague. I have seen a lot of lizards down there but I have never encountered the hundreds of lizards that formed a constant stream running across the path in front of us. Cassie felt sad for the one she was unable to avoid. I would have been grossed out for sure had I been the unfortunate one to land on it, but I can’t say that I would have been sad. I’m pretty much anti-reptile which meant that I also did not appreciate the 2nd lightning fast black snake in the brush on the way home.

The very worst experience on our run brought a whole new meaning to the childhood phrase, “Don’t step on the crack….” I was thankful that I had paused to take a picture as the girls continued ahead. I was snapping away, trying to get just the right angle when I heard them call back to me, “Just stay there! Stay there!” Apparently, a snake had been lying in the crack of the sidewalk and jumped out as Cassie stepped over the crack. It was much smaller than the black snakes we had seen, but a frightening surprise nonetheless. We had to caution Jessica, who loves to handle snakes, to leave it alone. Although we are pretty sure it was not a poisonous snake, it did hiss and rattle its tail quite a while before it finally decided to slither away into the grass. After three snakes in just one 50 minute walk, I decided that maybe the scenery on a walk in Illinois was a little less frightening than a walk in Florida. We definitely watched for the cracks a little better after that.

You know, I really don’t like snakes. In fact, I’m pretty scared of them. However, there is one snake that is the most dangerous of all. Yet, I’m not afraid of that one. The bible refers to Satan as a serpent. Revelation 12:9 says, “The great dragon was hurled down—that ancient serpent called the devil, or Satan, who leads the whole world astray. He was hurled to the earth, and his angels with him.” Revelation 20:2 makes the reference as well, and of course, Satan is overcome for eternity in Revelation when Jesus returns. These verses in Revelation point back to the Garden of Eden in Genesis chapter 3 when the serpent (Satan) deceived Eve, and she and Adam gave into the temptation to eat fruit from the tree that God forbid them to eat from.

Just as Satan was there to deceive and tempt them in the garden, he is still here deceiving us and tempting us today. “You’re problems are too big…. Nobody cares about you…. Go ahead and indulge…. Give in; you’re too weak to overcome…. Have another drink…. Gratify yourself…. You’re worthless…. You can never be good enough…. It’s just a little lie…. You deserve it…. Go ahead and cheat…. Give up…. If God loves you, why is he allowing this to happen to you?…” Satan is a smooth talker who is full of deceit. He wants you to believe that you know better than God, that following Jesus is too hard and that doing things your own way is way more fun than abiding by God’s rules. He wants you to believe that freedom is walking away from God when true freedom is found in Christ.

Just like the snake jumping up out of the crack as the girls passed by, Satan is waiting to pop up when you least expect it. He’s hiding in the crevice, waiting to catch you by surprise, ready to pounce and attack. He’s evil and powerful, but you don’t have to be afraid because if you are a child of God, then “the one who is in you is greater than the one who is in the world” (1 John 4:4). The Holy Spirit who dwells in you is more powerful than the devil who lurks in the darkness.

Satan is a liar. There is no problem too big for God. You are dearly loved. You don’t need to cheat. Drowning your problems out with drugs, alcohol, food, gambling or anything other than God will not give you lasting peace. When you are tempted, God will provide a way out (1 Corinthians 10:13). Freedom is in Christ. There is nothing he won’t forgive. Nothing is impossible with him. His power is made perfect in our weakness. He loves you with an everlasting love and no one can snatch you out of the Father’s hand. If you belong to Jesus, Satan has no authority over you. Though he is waiting to attack, you have the power to overcome. The victory is ours in Christ. Don’t be afraid. Be alert. Be victorious.

Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that the family of believers throughout the world is undergoing the same kind of sufferings. And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast. To him be the power for ever and ever. Amen. ~1 Peter 5:8-11

Do You Love Me More? Part 2

Posted on by Paula

They didn’t want to move over a thousand miles away from family, but that is what Jesus asked them to do, and they love Jesus more. They love him enough to sacrifice being here with us. I didn’t want to let them move so far away, but that is what Jesus asked me to do, and I love Jesus more. I love Jesus enough to let them go.

Leaving Christopher and Cassie at their new duplex on June 28, 2016 was so much different than dropping Christopher off at college where I knew he would come home most weekends and every holiday. We left them in a place where they knew no one and where they couldn’t come home unless they drove for two days or had money to fly. We left them in a place too far away for us to help them if they had a problem. It seemed like we were leaving them a million miles away.

Because of the distance, the way we support each other and love each other must sometimes be accomplished with a little bit of extra thought and creativity. We have learned that via FaceTime, big brothers can still teach their little brothers how to tie a bow  tie for their first homecoming. We can even have dinner “together” any night of the week via FaceTime as well. We have found that even though it isn’t possible for our son and daughter-in-law to take a lot of Christmas gifts home on an airplane, we can still order gifts online and ship them directly to their home. We can even print pictures of those gifts and wrap the pictures so that they have something to open here on Christmas morning. Because of the distance, I can no longer cut my son’s hair each month as I loved to do, but I was able to teach my daughter-in-law so that she can. We can send lots of pictures, videos and audio clips back and forth to share special moments when we can’t be together. I can pray for God to put people in their lives to physically help them when we aren’t there. I may not be able to attend every concert as I had planned, but I can support Christopher, Cassie and their students through prayer, donations and volunteering when possible. We have also learned to make the most of every minute when we are together because it might be months before our next visit. Most of all, I am learning to let go of my selfishness and am dying to myself for Jesus just as He sacrificed his life for me.

Though I am sometimes sad because we live too far apart for them to come over for dinner or to drive home for the weekend, I have also been blessed in ways that I wouldn’t have been if they lived close by. For example, if they were closer, I wouldn’t have the opportunity to spend a week at a time in their home. I wouldn’t see in great detail what a wonderful wife Cassie is to my son and how hard she works making him a good breakfast each morning and packing him such great lunches. My heart wouldn’t have been blessed by overhearing them each morning as Christopher read aloud to Cassie from the Bible, as they discussed the scriptures or as they prayed each morning for their students and their schools. If they lived close by, I would probably use my vacation days for more selfish reasons rather than being compelled to volunteer in their classrooms. I wouldn’t have been able to see first-hand how they have found creative ways to make learning fun. I wouldn’t see the huge impact that they are making in their students’ lives and how much their students love them. I wouldn’t truly know that they give so much of themselves to their students all day long and then come home to fix dinner, take care of the household chores and still find time to make lesson plans, gather supplies and spend hours preparing for special activities for their students.

God has answered many of this momma’s prayers. Though He moved Christopher and Cassie far away to a place they weren’t familiar with, He ensured it was a place with a wonderful church where they can worship, grow and serve. He immediately led them to a solid life group and put Godly friends in their lives. He has moved them outside their comfort zone, but because of that, they are learning to depend on each other and most of all to depend on God. He has helped them to keep Jesus at the center of their lives and to find their purpose in him.

Though it does hurt that I can’t always be the one to help them like I wish I could, it has also been good to visit and meet the people who God has provided to do those things when I am unable. It is reassuring to see that there are caring people who have become part of their lives so quickly. God is taking care of them and building a support system for them.

In addition to answering my prayers, God is also teaching and maturing me through this experience. I really, really do not like to fly on airplanes, but God is pushing me out of my comfort zone and teaching me to trust him to keep me from falling. He is challenging me to surrender my plans for his. He is teaching my selfish heart that when I trust him enough to let go, He gives me freedom and blesses me in ways bigger than I could have asked or imagined.

Yes, over the past year, Jesus’ words in Matthew 10:37-38 have become very real to me. “Anyone who loves their father or mother more than me is not worthy of me; anyone who loves their son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me. Whoever does not take up their cross and follow me is not worthy of me.” Thank you, Jesus, for challenging us, for taking us outside of our comfort zones, for strengthening our faith, for teaching us to trust, for giving us the chance to let go and for helping us find our purpose in you. Thank you, Jesus, for surrendering to the Father’s will and taking up your cross so that we can do the same. Thank you for giving us the opportunity to find freedom in loving you more.

Keeping in Tune When We Are Pressed and Plucked

Posted on by Paula
Christopher taught me to help tune the ukuleles so that the students could focus their time on learning to play.

My son, Christopher accepted a position last fall to teach music for preschool through 5th grade. Christopher, who has always had a passion for music, thought of several fun ways to instill that passion in his students. One of his most exciting ideas was to start a ukulele club.

In December, I was given the opportunity to travel to Florida and volunteer in both his classroom and also in his wife Cassie’s 4th grade classroom. One of the ways that I got to assist was by helping Christopher tune all 20 ukuleles before each after school ukulele club meeting.

New ukulele strings need time to stretch so they will settle down and hold their tune. As the instrument is played, the strings stretch. As the strings stretch, they become out of tune. Very frequent tuning is needed until the strings settle down.

The best way to speed up the process is to play the instrument a lot. The more the instrument is played, the more the strings become accustomed to the way they are pressed on and plucked. At first, the strings may become out of tune after being played just a short while. The more the ukulele is played, the more the strings will settle down and the longer the instrument will stay in tune.

As we were tuning the ukuleles, I thought about my relationship with God and how important it is that I stay in tune with him. Sometimes life throws us a curve and our faith is stretched. Our health may fail, we may become grieved as someone we love starts going in the wrong direction, we may lose our financial security, we may encounter disaster and we may become overwhelmed. Our faith may become stretched and the enemy may try to pull us away from God. During those times, we must remain in the Father’s hand and allow him to tune our hearts and strengthen our faith.

The more we allow God to work in us and through us the more we settle down and are able to keep in tune with him. We will continue our whole lives to be pressed and plucked as we face new challenges, but the more we submit to God’s tuning, the longer we will go before needing a major tune-up.

“Now to him who is able to keep you from stumbling and to present you blameless before the presence of his glory with great joy, to the only God, our Savior, through Jesus Christ our Lord, be glory, majesty, dominion, and authority, before all time and now and forever. Amen.” ~Jude 1:24-25

Only a Season With Better Days Ahead

Posted on by Paula
Pink and white dogwoods add life and color to the beautiful spring show around us.

Spring has returned, and life is good! Slowly but surely over the past month, new life has appeared. Hyacinth, daffodils and tulips burst forth from their bulbs that had been resting beneath the dirt all winter. The buds on the trees have given way to the first green leaves. The dogwood, wisteria and redbud trees boast a beautiful show with white, pink and purple flowers whose petals will eventually fall and decorate the ground. The fresh, crisp air welcomes the scent of freshly cut grass, and the sunshine lifts my spirit and warms my bones.

The older that I have become, the more I dread the winter. The flowers disappear, the leaves fall from the trees and the landscape turns brown and seemingly lifeless. Days of clouds and dreariness cause me to long for sunshine. The bitter wind and freezing temperatures make me want to hibernate until spring. The snow that I once looked forward to as a child has become a dreaded sight. As an adult, I find that snow means hazardous driving, sidewalks to shovel, slippery parking lots, damp clothes and wet, muddy floors.

As unbearable as winter now seems to me, I always make it through. Though the frigid mornings make me want to stay in my warm fluffy pajamas and hide under my electric blanket, I force myself to rise each day and persevere. I know that winter is just a season that will eventually come to an end and that spring and summer will happily return.

Life really is all about seasons. Some seasons are less enjoyable than others. Strained relationships, health issues, financial difficulties and grief can overwhelm us at times. There may be seasons so challenging that we struggle to pull ourselves out of bed each morning. Thankfully, our hardships are only temporary and we can have hope that seasons of love, good health, prosperity and joy will surely come our way again. Best of all, if we belong to Jesus, not only will He stay by our side through our difficult season, He also promises to someday take us home where we will find a permanent ending to those seasons of struggle.

Ecclesiastes 7:14 tells us, “When times are good, be happy; but when times are bad, consider this:  God has made the one as well as the other….” If life was always good, how often would we seek God? We thank God and praise him for his blessings during happy times, but we might not remember as well how much we need Him. It seems that the difficult times we encounter are the times that cause us to reflect and to realize our need for God. When times are bad, we turn to God, remembering how awesome, powerful and good He is. When things are out of our control, we seek God for guidance, strength and peace. We may learn that there are changes we need to make in our life or we may simply realize that there is nothing we can do but hold on to God with all of our might and trust that relief will come. We definitely appreciate the good days more because of the bad days we endure.

When we seek God during difficult times, we are blessed by his love, peace and presence. During seasons of despair, we can remember that a season doesn’t last forever. We find hope that better days are ahead. Some of those days may be here on earth, but if we truly belong to God, we can be sure of a future when all struggling will end and we will inherit a life far better than we can imagine. A time is coming when peace, joy and perfection will last for an eternity.