Category: Surrender

Whisper Through the Rain

Posted on by Paula
Whisper Through the Rain
Whisper Through the Rain

Once again, I heard the sweet whisper through the rain. I was out driving late one night when the familiar words started playing over the radio, “I was sure by now, God you would have reached down, and wiped our tears away, stepped in and saved the day. But once again, I say amen, and it’s still raining….”

My mind took me back to where I stood listening to the same song at the Casting Crowns concert years ago. Tears streamed down my face as I sang along in the dark crowded room. For the first time ever, I felt compelled to raise my hands in worship as the song continued, “As the thunder rolls I barely hear You whisper through the rain, ‘I’m with you.’ And as your mercy falls, I raise my hands and praise the God who gives and takes away….”

Raising my hands in worship was something that I was not used to or had ever been comfortable with, as it was not practiced in my church home. However, as I thought about my current storm that had lasted for many, many years, I could so relate as I sang along, “But once again, I say amen, and it’s still raining.”

I desperately wanted the rain to stop, and I didn’t understand why God didn’t “reach down & save the day.” But I had learned through the storm that God was my only hope. He was the only one who could fix it, and through it all, He was whispering, “I’m with you.”

I couldn’t help but raise my hands as my heart surrendered to the fact that in this storm, God was still God. And though I was tired of fighting, I would continue to look to Him and praise Him…even if the storm never ended.

That particular storm finally did calm down for a while, but it still pops up and rages from time-to-time. The thing that God has taught me though, is that He is always with me no matter what is going on in me or around me. I have learned that He is the only One that I can always count on, and that I should never try to let anyone else take His place as my Rock.

I have endured many other storms besides that one. Some were shorter but more intense. I’m sure there will be worse ones yet to come.

God doesn’t promise to keep us free from trouble. In fact, Jesus says in John 16:33, “…In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”

Whatever storm you are going through, I hope that you can quiet your heart and hear God’s gentle whisper through the rain; He is with you, and He is working out his very best.

“I lift up my eyes to the hills—where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth” (Psalm 121:1-2).

Here’s a link to Casting Crown’s “Praise You in This Storm.” I hope that you can hear God whispering to your heart and that you can sing along.

Under the Shadow of His Wings

Under the Shadow of His Wings

Posted on by Paula

 

Under the Shadow of His Wings
Under the Shadow of His Wings

My mind is more cluttered than usual right now, and I’m tired. I had tried to write my Monday morning blog this week, but I had too many thoughts to untangle to be able to focus on one subject. I came home to an empty house last night and had the perfect opportunity to focus and write, but my mind was overloaded and my body was tired.

I rested on my bed and stared at the ceiling; it was dirty but the least messy place to look at. I thought about and prayed for the people I know who are hurting. I thought about my busy life and prayed again for answers on how to find better balance. The only answer impressed upon my heart was that I needed to let it all go and rest. As I prayed, I let myself go back to a place I found years ago. Once again, I found myself under the shadow of His wings.

It was July 4, 2007. I was very upset that night. The tears flowed, and I earnestly prayed for God to show me something beautiful.

The vision I saw was so real I could feel it. I found myself standing with a wall of clear, glittery water to my left and another on my right. It was as if God was parting a sea for me. There was at my feet and seashells scattered around me. He even laid a starfish down in my little haven. Rose-like flowers in hues ranging from carnation pink to red-violet carpeted the ground both ahead of me and behind me. They seemed to clear a path for me as I moved. The sky directly above me was the most perfect bright blue summer sky dotted with fluffy white clouds, but there were also sparkly stars mixed in. Behind me, was a night sky with thousands of twinkling stars. Ahead me, was a beautiful sunset (or maybe a sunrise) with pinks, purples, orange and a tinge of yellow. Coming up over both walls of water, He sheltered me with His soft, white wings.

I could feel an unexplainable peace, the most wonderful peace I have ever known as I stood sheltered under the shadow of His wings. To this day, I can still remember how that peace felt and can feel it even now as I think about it.

God knows me intimately; the picture He gave me in my mind was the most perfect place for me. That moment in prayer was one of the most precious moments in my entire life. It was just God and me as He hid me under the shadow of His wings.

I wanted so badly to draw or paint that picture, but it wasn’t until June of 2009 that I tried. For the first time ever, I attempted to paint with watercolor pencils. I had no clue what I was doing. But, as I sat on a balcony overlooking the ocean at Daytona Beach, listened to my praise & worship music, I found painting with God to be very therapeutic.

I remember talking with God about the conch shell. I had no idea how to paint one and didn’t have one to look at. So, I asked God to take my hand & help me paint it. I was pleased with the way it turned out and also pleased with the sky. I had no idea how to paint, night, day and dusk or dawn all in the same picture, but it turned out great! My only disappointment was that His wings did not turn out white like I had pictured them; I just didn’t know how to use those pencils.

My first attempt at painting where I stood "Under the Shadow of His Wings."
My first attempt at painting where I stood “Under the Shadow of His Wings” (Watercolor Pencils on Paper)

Over a year later, on November 22, 2010. I decided to paint “Under the Shadow of His Wings” on canvas with acrylics. I need to sort some things out with God. So, I sat in my little sanctuary on my sunporch and prayed, asking Him to cleanse me and purify me and help me surrender all to Him and live a life that glorifies Him.

As I prayed, I was led to first paint words that named all the things that were troubling me. I didn’t realize how much was on my heart until the Holy Spirit opened my eyes to it all. I filled the entire canvas. I recorded all of those troubles in my journal while the paint was drying. I wanted to go back later to see all the things that God took care of.

Next, it was time to bury all of those problems under the shadow of His wings. Worship music played in the background as again, I asked God to take my hand and help me paint the beautiful picture He had given me. I found my time with God to be a time of healing as I painted the beautiful picture over my troubles I had listed.

Before I even finished the painting, God started working on some of the areas that I had written down, and today as I read over those 34 struggles I recorded, I am wowed. After giving those things to God, He has been working on every single one of them. In fact, He has totally taken care of most of those problems. For the few areas of trouble that linger, He continues to walk beside me and teach me how to persevere. He is an amazing God!

Under the Shadow of His Wings
My 2nd painting of “Under the Shadow of His Wings” (Acrylic on Canvas)

On July 8, 2013 I was walking and praying along the ocean shore again. I was going through a very difficult season of life with new challenges and struggles. It was a beautiful day, and I had never seen the water so clear. It was so clear that in the distance that from the shore, I could see a sand dollar 2 ½- 3 feet down below the surface.

The waves were huge, and as I was marveling about how tall they were, I noticed I could see inside the waves. The way the late afternoon sun shined through the waves was absolutely beautiful! I stood there mesmerized for the longest time.

Then it hit me; the glittery waves and their transparency looked like what I saw in the picture God gave me on July 4, six years earlier. It was like I had stepped back and could see myself again in that beautiful place. The waves in front of me were not as tall as me, whereas in the picture they tower way above me. But the beautiful, transparent color was so familiar, so peaceful like the place He gave me “Under the Shadow of His Wings.”

The glittery waves and their transparency looked like what I saw in the picture God gave me on July 4, six years earlier as I stood under the shadow of His wings.
The glittery waves and their transparency looked like what I saw in the picture God gave me on July 4, six years earlier as I stood under the shadow of His wings.

I woke up this morning, and my thoughts are still cluttered. There are still problems to be solved. However, I am at peace after resting in His presence.

I am thankful for a loving God who has all the answers and knows exactly when and how to take care of everything that clutters my mind. I am grateful for His patience, His mercy and His grace. I am overwhelmed by the peace that He gives me when He hides me under the shadow of His wings.

Advent Day 10–Everyone Needs to be Prepared

Posted on by Paula

I am never ready for winter. The days are short, the sun seems so far away and the bitterly cold wind blows. I have a difficult time emerging from under my electric blanket in the morning and loathe wearing long pants and bulky clothing. The dark, dreary days and the bitterly cold wind get harder and harder to tolerate each year. Don’t even mention the “s” word (you know, that white stuff that looks all pretty falling from the sky but makes the roads slick and the floors muddy).

I am definitely a summer girl! I love wearing dresses, seeing the sun shine and feeling the warmth radiate down to my bones. Summer means blue skies, sheets on the clotheslines, watermelon, popsicles, lemonade, flipflops, fireflies, green leaves, bright sunshine and fresh air. Life is good in the summer, and I am happy, happy, happy!

No matter how much I want summer to last forever, winter always comes. I can either prepare for winter or live in denial and get a rude awakening. The signs arrive every year. The grass begins to die, the leaves on the trees start to change color and then fall to the ground, winter clothes appear in the stores and Christmas lights are hung all around town while snowplows and children wait for the first snowflake to fall. Some things, we cannot change.

However, the most important thing we cannot change is the fact that we are not here on earth forever. Our bodies wear out, and eventually our hearts stop beating. For some of us that comes slowly; for others, this comes suddenly and unexpectedly. We don’t like to think about these things, but we must be prepared for the day that our physical bodies die.

You see, as sure as winter is coming, the day that we face our Maker will come as well. We do not know how long we have, but the Bible says in Romans 14:11 “‘As surely as I live,’ says the Lord, ‘every knee will bow before me; every tongue will acknowledge God.’” Jesus is Lord whether we accept it or not. Those who decide to surrender their lives on earth to Jesus and follow his ways will receive the gift of eternal life with him in heaven. Sadly, those who choose to reject Jesus and his ways during their life on earth, will not be allowed to enter but will be cast into the eternal torture of hell.

I do not say this to judge or condemn. I say this out of love. You see, God is holy, and sin separates us from him. The penalty for sin is death. We have all sinned, and we all deserve death. The good news is that Jesus died on the cross in our place and rose from the dead, conquering sin and death. If we accept His gift of salvation & commit our lives to following Him, our slate is wiped clean. We can stand before God because we have accepted the gift of salvation through Jesus.

Just as God wants no one to perish but all to repent and be saved, I too cannot bear the thought of anyone being separated from God and cast into eternal punishment. Just as we know that winter is coming, we also know that our physical bodies will wear out. Each of us will come face to face with Jesus and each of us will confess him as Lord. If we wait until that day, it will be too late. As we prepare for winter and prepare to celebrate the birth of Jesus, we must also make sure that we and those we love are prepared for the day that we will meet God face-to-face.

It All Boils Down to a Choice

Posted on by Paula

She told me she needed to get her life straightened out. She thought she was strong enough for the choice she would face, but she slipped up again, just one day short of celebrating 90 days of staying clean. Although God had been strengthening her each day, Satan was waiting for the opportune time to entice her. In just one weak moment, she fell back into the trap. She relapsed. Disappointment, anger, guilt and regret followed.

A few days later, another woman shared with me that God had convicted her of a habit that was coming between her & him. She wanted to stop, but years of participating in the behavior made it difficult. She asked if I would pray for her.

I could relate all too well to their stories. I too started making some changes in my life this year, and I totally understand. The struggle is real!

I had neglected taking care of myself for years because I was too busy. As a result, I was sick and exhausted. When I cried out to God about my troubles, he convicted me. If the Holy Spirit dwells in my body, and I am to offer my body as a living sacrifice, I need to take care of it. How could I be of use to God, and how could I take care of others if I didn’t take care of myself? I needed to trust God to help me make the necessary changes and stay afloat with my busy life.

Every day has been a battle since that day I decided it was time to make those changes. I don’t want to go to bed early, but I don’t get enough sleep if I stay up late. I’d rather stay in my warm bed than get up early to exercise, especially when it’s cold and dark. However, I know that most of the time, I will be too tired and busy to exercise if I wait until I get home from work. I want to eat sugar, breads, dairy and junk food, but I know that my body will have more trouble if I indulge too much of those things. I am an excessive person, and am not always in the right frame of mind to do things in moderation.

I am the poster child for “the spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak.” I want to always please God by being obedient to him, but I love chocolate and sleep! Some days are easier than others as I’m learning to take my cross up daily and follow him. During this long, drawn-out battle, I have learned that it all boils down to my choices. I will either choose to obey the Holy Spirit and please God or I will choose to ignore the Holy Spirit and please myself. When I’m tempted to stay in bed, cheat on my diet or skip exercise, I am choosing to satisfy my flesh rather than to please God.

When the Holy Spirit convicts me of a behavior in my life that is keeping me from God or keeping me from living the life he called me to, then he will enable me and empower me to overcome. If I choose to ignore the Holy Spirit for too long, my heart could become hard and could risk no longer hearing his voice.

The choice is ours. Pray for God to help you surrender to him. Listen to the Holy Spirit’s convictions. He will empower you to overcome.

Are You Prepared For the Inevitable?

Posted on by Paula

I love summertime! I love wearing dresses, seeing the sun shine and feeling the warmth radiate down to my bones. Summer means blue skies, sheets on the clothesline, watermelon, popsicles, lemonade, flip flops, fireflies, green leaves, bright sunshine and fresh air. Life is good in the summer, and I am happy, happy, happy!

My feelings for winter are quite the opposite. I loathe wearing long pants and bundling up. I have a difficult time emerging from under my electric blanket in the morning. I dread the dark, dreary days and the bitterly cold wind. Don’t even mention the “s” word (you know, that white stuff that looks all pretty falling from the sky but makes the roads slick and the floors muddy). All through the winter, I long for the warm sunshine to return.

No matter how much I want summer to last forever, winter always comes whether I like it or not. The warning signs always creep in. The winter clothes appear in the stores, the grass begins to die, and the leaves on the trees start changing their color. Then the frigid wind starts blowing from the north, and the sunshine hides behind the clouds. Some things, we cannot change. I can either prepare for winter or live in denial and get a rude awakening.

There is another fact of life that we cannot change, and this matter is much more serious. Whether we like it or not, we must face the reality that our life here on earth won’t last forever. Our bodies wear out, and eventually our hearts stop beating. For some of us that time arrives gradually and slowly; for others, that day comes suddenly and unexpectedly.

We don’t like to think about this, but as sure as winter always comes, the day will come when we will leave this world behind and stand before Almighty God. Romans 14:11-12 says, “It is written, ‘As surely as I live,’ says the Lord, ‘every knee will bow before me; every tongue will acknowledge God.’ So then, each of us will give an account of ourselves to God.” Though our physical bodies die, our souls will live on for eternity. We can either ensure that we are prepared for the day we meet or Maker or we can get a rude awakening.

You see, God created everything, and He created man in His image. All was good until we humans sinned by deciding to do things our way instead of God’s. (Adam and Eve ate from the tree that God told them not to eat from). God is holy, and sin separates us from God. The penalty for sin is death; all sinners are doomed. The wonderful news is that God sent His Son, Jesus, to provide a way for us to be made right with God again. Jesus became God in the flesh, lived here on earth and was tempted in every way just like we are, but Jesus never gave in to those temptations. He lived a perfect life without sin so that He could take the death penalty for us. He died on the cross in our place and rose from the dead, conquering sin and death. If we accept His gift of salvation & commit our lives to following Him, our slate is wiped clean. We can stand before God because we have accepted the gift of salvation through Jesus.

Jesus is Lord whether we accept it or not. Those who decide to surrender their lives to Jesus and follow his ways will receive the gift of eternal life with him in heaven. Sadly, those who choose to reject Jesus and his ways, will not be allowed to enter but will be forever separated from God and cast into the eternal torture of hell.

I do not say this to judge or condemn; I say this out of love. Just as God wants no one to perish but all to repent and be saved, I too cannot bear the thought of anyone being separated from God and cast into eternal punishment. Each of us will come face to face with Jesus & each of us will confess Him as Lord. If Jesus is tugging on your heart and calling you into a relationship with him, surrender your life and trust him. If you wait until that day when you are standing before him, it will be too late. Make sure you are prepared for eternity, and if you are prepared, make sure you tell others so that they can be prepared too.

Holding on to Hope

Posted on by Paula

It has been over 5 hours since I heard from my son, Christopher, and my daughter-in-law, Cassie and probably more than 4 hours since the center of Hurricane Irma passed over them. We knew that losing communication was a possibility, but we had of course hoped that it wouldn’t happen.

Sam and I had offered to fly them home from Florida early last week, but they had to teach school. By the time school was canceled, it was too late for them to get out. The roads were already starting to gridlock, there was no gasoline in their community, and all the flights were booked. They were stuck.

I’ll be honest. I wasn’t very happy that a 450 foot wide hurricane with winds of 185 miles per hour was heading their way and that they had no way to leave. However, I stayed surprisingly calm at that point and started praying that the hurricane would go out to sea and dissipate. I believed it would.

Then, I found out that their stores were out of water and sandbags. I also found out they were unable to board up their windows. This made me even more unhappy, but I continued to pray and to try to stay calm.

Christopher and Cassie were eventually able to get all the supplies they need. They even found a safer place to stay. One of their friends in their life group has a dad who is a building contractor. They invited Christopher and Cassie to stay in their sturdy home with the windows boarded. The home had already made it through hurricanes Andrew and Charlie. I still didn’t like the idea of them having to stay in Florida, but at least they had supplies, a safer place to stay and good people to help them weather the storm.

I told myself that praying was much better than thinking about it or talking about it. Praying was actually doing something about it. Every time my mind would start to worry, I’d pray, holding onto God’s promise for peace,

Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. ~Philippians 4:6-7

I continued to do pretty good until Thursday night when one of the hurricane models predicted that the hurricane would go straight up the center of Florida where Christopher and Cassie live. The news report said that their county would get the worst of the wind in their viewing area. However, I misunderstood and thought the weatherman said they would have the worst weather in the state! I’m not going to lie. At that point, fear did start to get me. I shed a few tears and fell asleep praying for God’s continued protection over Christopher and Cassie and also asking God’s forgiveness for my fear.

The next morning, Christopher sent me a message, “I’m confident God is taking care of us and I have peace…. It’s a confidence that we are under his wings” (Proverbs 30:5). The bible verse is one of the first verses that I taught the 5th and 6th grade Sunday School class when Christopher was in it, “Every word of God is flawless; he is a shield to those who take refuge in him.” I was even more excited about his confidence that they were under God’s wings because unbeknownst to him, one of the things that I had been praying was for God to hide them under the shadow of his wings.

A couple of hours later, a dear friend of mine texted me to see how Christopher and Cassie were doing, “Prayers that God will protect them and hold them in the shadow of his almighty wings…” Neither of them knew what I had been praying, but after getting a little scared the night before, their words brought me great peace. God was listening to my cries and he would hide them under the shadow of his wings.

So though it is now just past 2:30 in the morning, though I still haven’t heard from them and though I watched in horror as the center of the storm passed over them, I am doing okay. I am fighting by praying and holding on to the hope God gave me in his word. “Every word of God is flawless; he is a shield to those who take refuge in him.”

When Things Are Out of Your Control

Posted on by Paula

When things are out of your control, remember Psalm 46:10,

He says, “Be still, and know that I am God;
    I will be exalted among the nations,
    I will be exalted in the earth.” ~Psalm 46:10

Maybe you are scared today and don’t understand why things are happening the way they are. If you are struggling, turn to the One who can replace your anxieties with peace. As soon as you start to worry, nip it in the bud & turn your worry into prayer. Do this whether it’s one time or a hundred times today. The more you practice the promise found in Philippians 4:6-7, the less you’ll worry.

Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. ~Philippians 4:6-7

We have 2 weapons that God has given us to fight with–“the sword of the Spirit,” which is the Word of God, and “prayer.” So use them to fight and stay strong in the Lord, knowing that this life on earth is much shorter than the next life which will be spent either in heaven or in hell, depending on whether or not we have chosen to believe in Jesus and to surrender our lives to him. We can have peace through the difficult times and peace through eternity if we turn to the Lord and trust in him.

So today, pray, pray, pray and trust, trust trust! When you start to get distracted by whatever storm you are encountering, shift your focus to Jesus. Cry out to him. He’s ready to reach his hand out to you. Peace!

In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world. ~Jesus, John 16:33

A Time to Give Back

Posted on by Paula

I started digging into 1 Samuel again this week. The story of Hannah in chapters one and two is such a beautiful story, and it was also helpful to me in overcoming my selfishness/self-centeredness when God called my son to take a job over a thousand miles away last year. It was a time to give back to God what he had entrusted for a season.

Hanna had not been able to conceive. She wept bitterly as she prayed to God asking for a child. She promised that if God would give her a son, she would give him to the Lord all the days of his life.

God remembered Hannah, and she conceived and bore a son who she called Samuel which means “heard of God.” When Samuel was weaned, Hannah kept her vow to the Lord. She took Samuel to the temple, made a sacrifice to God and left her son with the priest. Then she prayed a prayer of praise and worship.

Hannah had waited so long to become a mother. I can’t imagine how hard it must have been for her to follow through with her promise after bonding with her little bundle of joy, but she kept her word. Now if Hannah, who had been childless, was able to see that her son was a gift from God and was able to praise God as she gave her son to be used by him all his life, shouldn’t I be able to give my son who I enjoyed for 22 years, over to God to be used by him the rest of his life? After all, I may have carried my son for nine months in my body, but it is God who knit him together in my womb (Psalm 139:13). I may have had plans for my son’s future, but all the days ordained for him were written in God’s book before one of them came to be (Psalm 139:16). I may have cared for my son and raised him to follow Gods ways, but God who began a good work in him is the one who will carry it on to completion (Philippians 1:6).

Children are a gift from the Lord, and I have received many blessings through the experience of raising four of them. I am thankful that God trusted me to take care of them when they were too small to take care of themselves, but ultimately, they were created by God to bring glory to him. I have found joy in nurturing them & encouraging them to become the people that God intended. However, their true purpose is found in God alone.

Just as God had a plan for Samuel to become a mighty leader, judge and prophet that would touch many lives for eternity, God had a plan for my son to touch many lives 1000 miles from home. He has a plan for each one of our children and each one of us, but we must be willing to give our lives to him and to give our children’s lives to him as well.

For more details on how this season of letting go and giving back has made an impact on my life, check out “Do You Love Me More? Part 1” and “Do You Love Me More? Part 2.” God is good!

Do You Love Me More? Part 2

Posted on by Paula

They didn’t want to move over a thousand miles away from family, but that is what Jesus asked them to do, and they love Jesus more. They love him enough to sacrifice being here with us. I didn’t want to let them move so far away, but that is what Jesus asked me to do, and I love Jesus more. I love Jesus enough to let them go.

Leaving Christopher and Cassie at their new duplex on June 28, 2016 was so much different than dropping Christopher off at college where I knew he would come home most weekends and every holiday. We left them in a place where they knew no one and where they couldn’t come home unless they drove for two days or had money to fly. We left them in a place too far away for us to help them if they had a problem. It seemed like we were leaving them a million miles away.

Because of the distance, the way we support each other and love each other must sometimes be accomplished with a little bit of extra thought and creativity. We have learned that via FaceTime, big brothers can still teach their little brothers how to tie a bow  tie for their first homecoming. We can even have dinner “together” any night of the week via FaceTime as well. We have found that even though it isn’t possible for our son and daughter-in-law to take a lot of Christmas gifts home on an airplane, we can still order gifts online and ship them directly to their home. We can even print pictures of those gifts and wrap the pictures so that they have something to open here on Christmas morning. Because of the distance, I can no longer cut my son’s hair each month as I loved to do, but I was able to teach my daughter-in-law so that she can. We can send lots of pictures, videos and audio clips back and forth to share special moments when we can’t be together. I can pray for God to put people in their lives to physically help them when we aren’t there. I may not be able to attend every concert as I had planned, but I can support Christopher, Cassie and their students through prayer, donations and volunteering when possible. We have also learned to make the most of every minute when we are together because it might be months before our next visit. Most of all, I am learning to let go of my selfishness and am dying to myself for Jesus just as He sacrificed his life for me.

Though I am sometimes sad because we live too far apart for them to come over for dinner or to drive home for the weekend, I have also been blessed in ways that I wouldn’t have been if they lived close by. For example, if they were closer, I wouldn’t have the opportunity to spend a week at a time in their home. I wouldn’t see in great detail what a wonderful wife Cassie is to my son and how hard she works making him a good breakfast each morning and packing him such great lunches. My heart wouldn’t have been blessed by overhearing them each morning as Christopher read aloud to Cassie from the Bible, as they discussed the scriptures or as they prayed each morning for their students and their schools. If they lived close by, I would probably use my vacation days for more selfish reasons rather than being compelled to volunteer in their classrooms. I wouldn’t have been able to see first-hand how they have found creative ways to make learning fun. I wouldn’t see the huge impact that they are making in their students’ lives and how much their students love them. I wouldn’t truly know that they give so much of themselves to their students all day long and then come home to fix dinner, take care of the household chores and still find time to make lesson plans, gather supplies and spend hours preparing for special activities for their students.

God has answered many of this momma’s prayers. Though He moved Christopher and Cassie far away to a place they weren’t familiar with, He ensured it was a place with a wonderful church where they can worship, grow and serve. He immediately led them to a solid life group and put Godly friends in their lives. He has moved them outside their comfort zone, but because of that, they are learning to depend on each other and most of all to depend on God. He has helped them to keep Jesus at the center of their lives and to find their purpose in him.

Though it does hurt that I can’t always be the one to help them like I wish I could, it has also been good to visit and meet the people who God has provided to do those things when I am unable. It is reassuring to see that there are caring people who have become part of their lives so quickly. God is taking care of them and building a support system for them.

In addition to answering my prayers, God is also teaching and maturing me through this experience. I really, really do not like to fly on airplanes, but God is pushing me out of my comfort zone and teaching me to trust him to keep me from falling. He is challenging me to surrender my plans for his. He is teaching my selfish heart that when I trust him enough to let go, He gives me freedom and blesses me in ways bigger than I could have asked or imagined.

Yes, over the past year, Jesus’ words in Matthew 10:37-38 have become very real to me. “Anyone who loves their father or mother more than me is not worthy of me; anyone who loves their son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me. Whoever does not take up their cross and follow me is not worthy of me.” Thank you, Jesus, for challenging us, for taking us outside of our comfort zones, for strengthening our faith, for teaching us to trust, for giving us the chance to let go and for helping us find our purpose in you. Thank you, Jesus, for surrendering to the Father’s will and taking up your cross so that we can do the same. Thank you for giving us the opportunity to find freedom in loving you more.

Do You Love Me More? Part 1

Posted on by Paula

On the afternoon of April 26th, Christopher called and excitedly asked if I had prayed for him that day. I told him of course I had; I pray for him every day. Christopher said that he had attended a job fair that day. Five schools had offered him second interviews. There was talk of loan forgiveness, and one school was even supportive of his dream to start a ukulele club for the students.

His news was interesting because that morning, I had been compelled to pray something I had never prayed for him. I prayed specifically that God would help Christopher & Cassie find good jobs with loan forgiveness. I also prayed that though I really wanted them to stay close to home, God would lead them where they need to be and would send them where they would find their purpose in Him. Little did I know that being led to pray that prayer was God’s way of preparing my heart for a plan that I was not anticipating.

Later that afternoon, Christopher got a call from a school in Florida. They had been interviewing in another town and asked if he could meet them halfway that night for an interview. When he told them that his wife, Cassie, was looking for a teaching job, they told him to bring her along too. They traveled in dress clothes to a Steak and Shake that night wondering if it was a joke. They were both interviewed and offered jobs on the spot. Christopher told me they were 98% sure they didn’t want to move that far away, but I had a sick feeling deep down inside.

Less than two weeks later, Christopher sent me a text, “So my host teacher at Honey Creek is moving and said that she told the principal that I should get this teaching position. Please pray! This would be the ideal position for me! Middle school band with lots of resources!” Maybe I had been wrong, and God wasn’t really calling them so far away! Maybe it was just a test like Abraham and Isaac, and if I was willing to sacrifice my son, God would step in the last minute and let him stay.

However, when I called Christopher that evening, they were starting to lean towards the job in Florida. It was partially because of the out-of-the-blue way the job offer had popped up. But there were other reasons as well. A wall at Christopher’s future school had a mural with one of his favorite quotes, “Be the change that you wish you could see in the world.” Cassie’s future assistant principal called to say that he was praying for her and encouraged her & Christopher to pray as well. Another teacher told her that it was a real mission field down there. A devotional that Cassie subscribes to talked about not being afraid to go where God sends you. Their pastor preached on how God tends to send their church people who they then send out. Similar messages were popping up everywhere.

I couldn’t tell them that I didn’t want them to go; the decision needed to be theirs. I did tell Christopher that he can’t let fear get in his way and that he and Cassie would be happiest if they were where God wanted them and where they’d find their purpose in Him. It was so difficult for me to say those words, but I knew they were the truth.

On May 28, 2016, Christopher told me that he & Cassie were moving to Florida in less than a month. I’d like to say that my reaction was wonderful and encouraging, but out of my selfishness, I grieved. It took a good three days before I could pull myself together and at least a week before I could keep from crying when I thought about them moving. I grieved because I had looked forward to watching him direct at all of his concerts. I had plans to help them when they had babies, to babysit for them and to attend all of my grandchildren’s events. I wouldn’t be able to help out if they were sick or had an emergency. We wouldn’t be able to spend every birthday and holiday together. One of the silliest things that made me cry was knowing that someone else would be cutting Christopher’s hair.

I was so proud of Christopher and Cassie for listening to God’s voice and obeying what He asked them to do. Sincerely, what more could a mom want than for her son to grow into a man that is seeking God’s will? I loved raising Christopher, but he is not mine. He is God’s. He is a Godly man who found a Godly woman. Cassie is beautiful inside and out. I had no doubt that together they would find their purpose in God and make a difference of kingdom value in many lives. Still, I did grieve. I hated my selfish feelings and emotions, but they were out of my control.

This is the time in my life that Jesus’ words in Matthew 10:37-38 became very real to me.

“Anyone who loves their father or mother more than me is not worthy of me; anyone who loves their son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me. Whoever does not take up their cross and follow me is not worthy of me.”

Christopher and Cassie were given the decision of whether they would move more than 1000 miles away from their parents and family and all that was familiar to a place where they didn’t know anyone and had never been. They were just starting out and would have no support system in Florida. The comfortable thing to do would have been for Christopher to pursue the dream job in the school he had been student teaching at an hour from home, but Christopher and Cassie love Jesus more. They knew Jesus was calling, and they took up their cross and followed Him.

I too had a decision to make. I could continue to grieve. I could throw a fit and try to keep them here for my selfish reasons. I could lay on a guilt trip and try to get my way, or I could surrender. Did I want to keep them here so that I could continue to enjoy life with them and my future grandchildren or did I want them to go where God called? I knew Jesus was calling me to surrender my plans with my son to Him. I took up my cross to follow Him.