Category: Balance

My Cape is at the Dry Cleaners

Posted on by Paula

My cape is at the dry cleaners. I dropped it off over Christmas break last year and just haven’t been able to pick it up.

It’s been nearly three months since I published my last blog post, (eighty-five days to be exact), and it’s been killing me that I haven’t written. I love to write and create!

Since today marks the second anniversary of my first blog post, I couldn’t resist resurfacing if only for a brief moment. I had faithfully posted at least once a week for twenty-two consecutive months, and I posted every single day for Advent season two years in a row. So, this slump I’ve been in since Christmas has been driving me crazy. How has this even happened when I love blogging so much?!

Last summer, one of the ministers I work with mentioned in a staff meeting that our church was going to start the “Discipleship Training Institute” (DTI class). This pilot program they were getting ready to offer would be like taking college level Bible classes such as Old Testament Survey and New Testament Survey. I knew it was something I needed to do; I could feel it in my heart.

It didn’t make sense to take the class because I was already juggling too many activities in this season of my life. I was working full time in a church, and though office hours are 9:00 AM – 3:00 PM Monday through Thursday (plus Sunday), ministry often needs to take place outside those limited hours. My husband and I were also leading a high school life group in our home, and I was faithfully writing a blog each week and creating designs for my Etsy store that offers Christian greeting cards and gifts. Then, there were all of those many things that we women must do to take care of our families and homes.

I prayed what I always pray when my schedule gets too full and I want to take on something new, “Lord, what am I doing that is of you, and what am I doing that is simply my idea? What would you like me to continue, and what can I drop? What are ‘You’ calling me to do?”

Normally, when I pray those things, God makes it clear to me what I need to let go of. Yet, this time, I couldn’t’ hear an answer.

I talked to my husband and kids. My husband was not too keen on me giving up the housework, my least favorite thing to do. Ha! Since that idea didn’t work, it seemed that the logical thing to do would be to give up my blogging and Etsy store. They were taking a lot of my time but weren’t really flourishing. However, when I mentioned letting those things go, my wonderful husband said, “I think you need to give it more time,” and my kids said, “But, Mom, that’s what you love to do.”

So, I decided that I would take the classes, prioritize everything else and see what fell. I did well for a while. I combined my homework and blog for my writing assignments. That worked well for about five weeks until my assignments changed. After that, I began to struggle in my writing. I made it through Advent by tweaking many of my previous Advent posts and adding a few totally new Advent posts when inspiration hit. I made it through Christmas day, and anticipated my traditional New Year post which is one of my favorites to write.

For the last four or five years, I have spent New Year’s Eve reflecting on the year that had passed and seeing where God might be leading me or challenging me for the New Year. However, when I reminisced over the entries I had written down each day on my 2018 blessings calendar and read through my 2018 journal entries, I was sad because I couldn’t see much fruit.

I had certainly been busy. I was even spending my time on “good things!” Yet, somehow, something wasn’t right. It was then that my blogging fell apart.

Reluctantly, I decided to take a week off and sort things out, but I was in no better shape the next week. For several weeks, I would think to myself, “This is the week I will write again!” I’d even get some great ideas… but, the words wouldn’t come. My mind was jumbled. After two months, I started wondering if I would ever write again.

During this season of being a bit silent, I have been taking more time to listen for the quiet whisper of the One who has all the answers. It took a while for me to hear anything because my mind was too cluttered. Slowly but with His perfect timing as always, God began to unclutter my mind and untangle my heart. I have been learning some things about myself that I don’t like, but they are things that need addressed.  This is both good and necessary if I am going to move forward.

I have many dreams and goals, and I often feel a need to make things happen “right now.” But sometimes, we have to let God do some work inside us before we can proceed with those dreams. Sometimes, we have to let the Holy Spirit produce His fruit in us rather than through us.

Hopefully, I can share more about these things soon, but for now, I am taking life one day at a time and trying to work on the things that God has brought to my attention. I am thankful that God didn’t let me get too far off course before wooing me back close.

I’d rather live each moment exactly where God wants me to be than to rush ahead and miss out on His blessings. And so, for now, my cape is at the dry cleaners, and I’m not quite sure when I will pick it up. I’m anxious to see what God’s plans are! Whatever would we do without Him? He knows us better than we know ourselves. All praise to Him, always!

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Normal is Just a Dryer Setting

Posted on by Paula

Photo credit to Abigail Barr

A dear friend who knows me well gave me a new mug for Christmas. It sports the perfect shade of pink along with a saying quite relevant to my current season of life, “around here, NORMAL is just a DRYER SETTING.”

The last couple of months have been full of activity. I am thankful for every minute of November and December and was sad to see the holidays end. However, when the new year rolled in, I found myself both excited to embark on some new adventures and also anxious to slip into a “NORMAL” routine … whatever “NORMAL” means.

I have been chasing after “NORMAL” for quite some time. This desire went hand-in-hand with my quest for “the B word” (BALANCE). After journaling about this issue for nearly 15 years, I finally decided in January 2017 that it was time to get serious; I was sick of my mess. My goal was to get my life in order by the time I turn 50. I only have a few months to go and am still not there, but I feel like I have made some pretty great progress.

Over the past year, I have learned a lot about myself and the way I manage my time. Looking back over last year’s plan, I can see which strategies helped, which strategies are no longer necessary and which strategies I need to exert more discipline in so that success can be achieved.

I’ve started 2018 out as determined as ever to find BALANCE and to decide what “NORMAL” is. I have a new pink planner with gold sparkles which is sure to inspire and to guard against failure. I am also motivated by some dreams I hope to achieve this year, but in order to make those dreams become realities, I have to find TIME to accomplish them.

So, here I go, anticipating this to be a great year. I have written down my list of non-negotiables (things I must do on a regular basis)—study the Bible, pray, exercise, work at the office, blog, journal, manage the house in various ways, rest and sleep. I made a schedule with my non-negotiables so that I can also find time to work on those dreams I have.

I’ve set several goals this year. I’ll continue working on time management and self-control while finding time to work on my dreams. I’ll be spending more time in prayer and continuing to be flexible and willing to change my plans as God opens my eyes to opportunities to join in what he’s doing. I’ll keep striving to find better balance between work and rest, between self and others and between spending time with people and working on projects to help people.

I will not beat myself up when my life cannot adhere to my paper schedule. Rather I will find contentment, if I can become steadfast in keeping my focus on Jesus, staying yoked to him, being unified with his Spirit and bringing glory to God by pointing others to him through Jesus. That is the “NORMAL” I hope for in 2018.

Advent Day 9–Busyness Overload

Posted on by Paula

We live in a fast-paced world, and sometimes I feel like I am rushing through my day at a speed of 100 million miles an hour. So many of us work outside the home these days and then have cooking, laundry, cleaning, shopping, yard work, house repairs and many other responsibilities waiting when we get home. This time of year, on top of the challenge of keeping up between our job and our family, we are extra busy preparing for the holidays by shopping for gifts, decorating, baking and planning the perfect family get-togethers.

Busyness in my life tends to creep in slowly and quietly, one thing at a time until all of a sudden, I become overwhelmed and overloaded. If I’m not careful, my priorities get mixed up and I find myself so busy doing what I think my family needs me to do that I miss out on the things that mean the most. Often, I don’t even realize what is happening until I find myself irritable and I become resentful of those who have time to relax while I am hard at work.

A long time ago, a woman named Martha opened her home to Jesus and his disciples as they were passing by. Her sister, Mary, was sitting at Jesus’ feet and listening to Him speak while Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made.

Needless to say, Martha was pretty frustrated. She finally went to Jesus and asked, “Don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!”

Jesus’ reply may have seemed a bit shocking to her, “Martha, Martha, you are worried and upset about many things, but only one thing is needed. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her” (Luke 10:38-42).

Don’t get so busy with your holiday preparations that you don’t have time to enjoy the people who are important. Most of all, don’t get so caught up in what you think needs done that you don’t have time to spend listening at the feet of Jesus. If you sit quietly, he will whisper to your heart and remind you of what is truly important. Praying for a season focused on Jesus and the joy, peace and contentment that comes through him.

A Time for Rest, Reflection and Refreshment

Posted on by Paula

Learning to Stop--A Time for Rest, Reflection and Refreshment

I was a person who didn’t know how to stop. For way too many years, I took great pride in the fact that I “could get by” on 4-6 hours of sleep at night. I kept on working late into the night or into early morning because my to do list wasn’t done. I have worn my body out over the years and have woken up tired far too many mornings because I didn’t stop when my body and mind cried out for rest. I am a person who has realized that I have been laying burdens upon myself that weren’t meant for me.  If I am not careful, I become a person who will pour and pour and pour into others until I am totally depleted. I am a person who has not allowed myself to get the rest I need. In fact, I still struggle…but…by the grace of God, I am changing, There is hope!

God’s words in Psalm 127:2 spoke to me long ago, “In vain you rise early and stay up late, toiling for food to eat— for he grants sleep to those he loves.” I was also convicted by God’s command in the Old Testament that for six days we are to work, but on the seventh day we are to rest, just as God worked for six days and rested on the seventh. Those words were freeing when I read them, and I tried to find rest in them. Yet, between taking care of my family, volunteering with youth and working in a church, I’d soon get too busy and fall back into my overloaded lifestyle. For too many years, I wrote in my journal that I was tired and had too much to do. I decided in January 2016 that it was time to stop going back and forth; it was time to shape up and listen to God’s recurring soft whisper on my heart, “You need to rest.”

Now, I am not saying that you are wrong if you don’t choose to take a day of rest. What I am saying is that in my out-of-whack life, God convicted me that I need to.

A wise pastor once said something that really hit me. It was something to the effect that God said to work for 6 days and to take a break on the 7th, yet if I think that I need to work all 7 to get the job done, I am not trusting God.

An idea that has really been life-changing for me came from Dan Smith, a “retired” pastor who has been faithfully posting his beautifully written thoughts daily on Facebook for years. Dan wrote a couple of sentences in his November 6, 2016 post that I loved, “Well, every seven days, it’s called ‘Sunday’ and it’s like having an appointment that brings me up to date on where I stand with the Lord. So, today I can reflect back over the last six days; they’re all behind me, and see where I’ve been, and I can assess where I am today and can recommit that in all the tomorrows I will attempt to serve the Lord with even greater zeal than I have in the past; knowing all along that in just a week I will come full circle in doing it all again!”

I liked the idea of keeping an appointment like that with God. So one of the things that I committed to this year is to set aside as much of Sunday as possible to reflect on how awesome God is. Part of each Sunday is spent meeting with other believers to worship God. Part of the day is spent journaling all of the wonderful ways that I have seen him at work in and through me and the people around me. I record the things that he has taught me and pressed upon my heart. Then I go back and read those words the next Sunday to see if I obeyed what he made known to me or if I fell short. When I fail, I ask forgiveness and for help to overcome the next week. After I do my heart check with God, I write a new journal entry recording again what God has done over the past week, what he is teaching me and convicting me of and the progress I am making. After sorting things out with God, I end the evening writing a blog post, another idea that God has put on my heart this year.

Though I have journaled for years, it has greatly improved because of my appointment set aside to reflect and write each week. Before I got into this Sunday routine, I’d get so busy that I’d neglect taking a break to journal regularly. As a result, I would sometimes forget to record the awesome ways I saw God at work. Remembering the great things God has done encourages me when I am struggling and helps me when I am challenged with a decision.

Even though I meet with God each morning to study and to pray, I look forward to our Sunday appointment. No matter how hectic or difficult the week has been, I know that I can take a break to rest on Sunday. I guard that time and often have to say no to others in order to keep my commitment. Resting with God on Sunday shifts my focus back to him when the cares of the world have distracted me. Reflecting on the past week holds me accountable and helps me to grow and mature in my faith. Sitting at his feet and spending time with him refreshes me so that I am ready to pour into others again the next week.

How can I afford to stop and rest? How can I afford not to?

One Breath at a Time

Posted on by Paula

Gone are the days of the busy signal. The days when we could only receive one call at a time have passed. If someone doesn’t answer the phone, we can send them a text message. On top of that, we have e-mail, video calling and instant messaging. We have reached a point that we expect each other to be available whenever we want an answer. Having so many ways to communicate can be a good thing at times, but it can also become exhausting.

Last night, I put on my faded t-shirt that used to be my son’s band shirt, slipped on my comfy pajama pants that had shrunk into highwaters and eased into my fluffy pink striped socks that didn’t match because that’s just how I felt. Then I did the unthinkable…. I shut off my phone. I didn’t just put it on the charger in the other room. I didn’t just screen my messages. I totally shut it off.

It’s normal to find me holed up in my little sanctuary on the sunporch on Sunday afternoons and evenings. I committed this year to set that time aside each week to reflect on the great things God had done over the past week, to practice spiritual concentration, to journal and to blog. I look forward to this special time with just God and me but often have interruptions causing me to think and to write late into the night or early into the morning. Staying up so late causes me to break another commitment I made this year, the commitment to get more rest.

This is the year that I really set out on a quest for balance in my life. I want to have that rich, satisfying abundant life that Jesus promises through him. I want to be yoked to him, learn from him and find rest for my soul. So when things are out of whack in my life, I have to question myself, “Am I yoked to him?” If my burden is too heavy, that means that I have loaded too much upon myself. For his “yoke is easy” and his “burden is light.”

So here I was, eager for my Sunday afternoon time of reflection of God’s goodness and refreshment for my soul, but the interruptions and distractions started. I slipped onto the porch and journaled for a while and then took a break to eat and talk a little bit with my family. After that, I came back out to the porch, shut the doors, shut off the phone and shut the world out, trashed house and all.

I laid down on the floor to sort things out with God. There were so many things out of my control. I felt a bit discouraged and a bit overwhelmed. My body was drained, and my heart was racing. My mind was cluttered, yet blank at the same time. I longed for God; I longed for rest.

“How did I reach this point again anyway?” I asked my Daddy as I laid at his feet, basking in his love. I had taken on too much again. I had too many thoughts and too much on my to do list. It was time to blog, but I had no words. I thought about going to bed. “Maybe I just won’t write this week,” I thought to myself, but I knew that if I broke my commitment this week, it would be much easier to break the next, just like it was with my eating, my exercising and my rest.

The load was too big. I decided I could either quit in my discouragement or put it completely in God’s hands. I knew deep down that although quitting seemed like the easy way out, it would not lead me to that rich, satisfying, abundant life that I long for.

I made a list, I gave it to God and I set some boundaries for this week. I will have to block off times that I can work undisturbed. Messages can wait until after my morning study and prayer time so that I can focus on listening for God and letting him pour his Spirit into me. Then, I can later pour into others.  I have certain responsibilities that I absolutely must take care of and I need to stay on task in order to do that. I will pray for discernment to tell the difference between God’s appointments and Satan’s distractions.

I will put on the full armor of God, I will prioritize with God and I will take things one breath at a time. I will not stress or panic but will simply let him breathe into me so that I can exhale his love and grace to those around me.

And so I continue to take things one day at a time when possible, but sometimes things must be taken one hour at a time, one minute at a time or one breath at a time. Yes. This might very well be a “one breath at a time” week. And so I say, “Breathe into me, dear Lord. Breathe into me and help me to take life one breath at a time. Help me find balance and rest and abundantly rich and satisfying life in you.”