“I started sorting things out with God and getting serious about some of the things He’d been putting on my heart over the past several years. Most of those things boil down to taking care of myself. The problem is, I have always tried to cram way more things into my day than I have time for. So, taking care of myself wasn’t the priority. However, if the Holy Spirit dwells in my body and I am to offer my body as a living sacrifice, I need to take care of it.” I wrote those words in my very first blog post, “A Season of Gray Hairs and Discipline.”
Beginning January 1 this year, I had made it a priority to take care of myself and find balance. I was tired of my mess and was ready to get serious about the things that God had been convicting me about for far too long. I’d been doing really well with my endeavor, but at the 6 month point my balance was a little off again, and I wasn’t sure how to fix it. A few things in life changed (as they always do) and my routine needed to adapt to these changes as well. However, I was so caught up in “staying afloat” that I couldn’t find time to figure out a solution.
Luckily, we were scheduled to leave for vacation at the end of June, but things got worse the week before with all the preparations that needed taken care of. In order to take my break, I had to not only keep up with my day-to-day responsibilities, but also work ahead to take care of bills and such that would need my attention before we returned. I got up early each morning to take care of a few things, used my lunch break for errands and laundry and then came home from the office to take care of more responsibilities, finally going to bed late.
I had been looking forward to hiding away, resting and letting God unclutter my mind and untangle my heart. Every year, my family plans an escape where we can shut everything out for a week. I was so ready to for a reset and could hardly wait to reach our destination and sort things out with God.
Our drive should have taken about 14 hours but took over 18 due to traffic. I slept almost the entire drive and also slept through the night. I was even more tired than I thought.
I had a lovely, relaxing week away. I enjoyed early morning walks/runs with my girls followed by coffee and Bible study under the coconut trees with God. I listened to the tide rolling in and out and the birds singing in the trees. I basked in the warm sun and gentle ocean breeze. I walked along the shore, searched for seashells and delighted in the hot sand under my feet. I was entertained by the little crabs that scurried about and by the manatee that I followed for about a mile before it disappeared.
Sometimes I’d think, sometimes I’d pray and sometimes I’d let the roar of the ocean drown everything out. No worries. No problem solving. Simply enjoying the peace and resting.
Because of God’s perfect timing, I found myself in the book of Judges on vacation. God’s people seemed to be caught in a vicious cycle. They would follow God and receive his blessing, but then they would stray. They’d forget the great things God had done, but God wouldn’t forget his covenant with them. Because he loved them, he would discipline them so they would return to him and obey.
So, there I was at a point in my life when I had “forgotten” my strong commitment to get serious and obey what God had been putting on my heart for so long. I was still seeking God each day, but at the same time, I was neglecting to fix the things that were throwing me off the track he had put me on. When we start to veer just a little bit, we are in a dangerous place because if we continue to veer, we will be pulled farther and farther from where God wants us to be. Thankfully, God was waiting with his love, mercy and grace, ready to help me get back on track. I just needed to stop and get away from the noise a while so that I could see the root of the problem and nip it in the bud.
During my break, God pointed out to me a few different things that I needed to address. As funny as it may seem, I realized once again that my biggest problem was not getting enough rest. It seems that when I have a lot I want to accomplish, I should tackle the list and conquer as much as possible each day to get things done. However, not getting enough rest was really throwing my life out of balance, and unfortunately the things that were getting pushed aside were the most important.
As we were driving home, a Third Day song started playing,
“How many times have I turned away?
The number is the same as the sand on the shore
But every time You’ve taken me back
And now, I pray You do it once more
Please, take from me my life
When I don’t have the strength
To give it away to You
Please, take from me my life
When I don’t have the strength
To give it away to You, Jesus.”
My turning away has gotten less and less over the years, but I want to be at the point where I never turn away. I want to be 100% obedient. Not my will but his will.
So here I am, back to reality. The pace must pick up again, and I will be pulled in several directions. The messages about problems that need dealt with are waiting. The refrigerator is empty. The bills and laundry are accumulating again. But, I am refreshed. My focus is where it needs to be. I am at peace. God is faithful, and is ready to woo me back if I start to get off track.
“Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness” (Lamentations 3:22-23). Amen!