A Season of Gray Hairs and Discipline

Gray hair is a crown of glory; it is gained in a righteous life. ~Proverbs 16:31 ESV

On March 21st I will celebrate my 49^th birthday. The years have flown by fast, and I have no clue how I can already be so close to turning 50. I’m not the type of person who is bothered by age but rather a person who feels blessed to be alive another year. I quit coloring my hair over 10 years ago because I felt that’s what God wanted for me personally (Lord, please don’t ask me to give up my make-up even though it really does take up too much of my time each morning). My white hairs have rapidly multiplied over the past few years, but I have proudly earned every single one of them through this most recent (and trying) season of life!

Although growing old doesn’t send me over the edge or keep me grasping to hold on to my youth, it has caused me to spend quite a bit of time reflecting on my life. Why am I always too busy? Why am I so tired? Why am I so disorganized? Am I doing anything that is making any sort of difference? Am I wasting whatever precious time I have left…. I’m sad to say that if you were to read my journals, you would find that I have been on a quest to find the “B word” (BALANCE) for close to 15 years. So, this year I decided it is time to get serious; I’m tired of my mess.

I started sorting things out with God and getting serious about some of the things He’d been putting on my heart over the past several years. Most of those things boil down to taking care of myself. The problem is, I have always tried to cram way more things into my day than I have time for. So, taking care of myself wasn’t the priority. However, if the Holy Spirit dwells in my body and I am to offer my body as a living sacrifice, I need to take care of it.

Beginning January 1, I made it a priority to take care of myself and find balance. I actually downloaded a time tracker app to learn to manage my time better. Making a plan, I realized that I needed to get up early and focus on the priorities. Ugh! I hate mornings! I don’t like getting ready right away and seem to wander around aimlessly while slowly waking up. So, the first thing I do is study the Word…out of bed…sitting up…coffee by my side…in my little sanctuary I set up on my porch. I needed to exercise but couldn’t justify adding 40-50 minutes into my schedule to walk on the treadmill. So, I decided to hop on the treadmill, shut my eyes so that I’m not focusing on time or distance, and pray as I walk. It’s working great! I fasted from sugar, grains, dairy and processed food for more than 40 days before blowing it and took a social media break. I also started learning to stop and making myself rest.

The past few months have taken a lot of discipline. Sometimes I had to fight to get out of bed early, and there have been days that I had to force myself downstairs to the treadmill, but I am doing pretty good. I am in a constant battle with what I choose to eat since I broke my fast, but the hardest part continues to be making myself stop and getting enough rest. Still, I am determined that this is the year for victory.

This has turned out to be a very spiritual journey for me as I rely on God for direction and strength to persevere. I am excitedly anticipating all that He will continue to teach me for as many years as He allows me to be here.