Conquering My Fears

Conquering My Fears in the Atlantic Ocean
I tried to smile as I tried conquering my fears. Jessica is did a better job than I.

Although the ocean is my favorite place, I never venture out very far into the water and I definitely don’t swim in it. So, when my husband, Sam, planned a snorkeling excursion for our family this summer, I was not even close to being as enthusiastic as everyone else.

First of all, I do not go out in public without my makeup. Second, I am not a good swimmer. Third, I know the sharks are out there. I would be facing a lot of fears.

Sure, I know that God is with me wherever I go. Yes, I believe that if I die, God will take me to heaven. However, drowning or getting killed by a shark is not the way that I want to get there.

I didn’t like the looks of the catamaran that we boarded. I listened intently to the crewman who explained snorkeling to us while we sailed out seven miles from shore (much too far out for my comfort level). The boat violently rocked back and forth over huge waves, and I battled to keep my balance as I moved to a spot where I could better see the crewman demonstrate exactly how the gear was to be used.

As the crewman gave instructions, I realized that this would be even worse than I had imagined. I had pictured walking around in calm, waist deep water and sticking my face in the water if I wanted to see anything. Instead, I was horrified to learn that the ship would anchor in water far too deep to touch bottom.

The crewman further explained that the water was unusually rough that day, and we WOULD get water into our snorkels due to high waves. I feared we would choke.

Then, there was the life jacket problem. There were not enough regular life jackets; some people would have to use inflatable vests. I did not feel safe when I was given the inflatable vest. I blew it up as full as I could, but I was scared that I would bump the tube and deflate it.

Furthermore, the snorkels we used were just sitting in a trough of “sanitizer” which really looked, smelled and tasted like regular water. This was another horror for a person who can’t even share her straw with her husband.

When the boat was anchored, we were given a choice of jumping off the side or walking down stairs that were dropped into the water. It took me a long time to get the courage to start down the stairs.

The rough water made going up or down the stairs difficult.
The rough water made going up or down the stairs difficult.

My anxiety heightened with my first step into the water. Even though Sam promised to stay by my side, I began to panic as we swam away from the boat. Flashbacks from the movie “Titanic” raced through my mind. “Jack!”

The waves were high above my head at times, and I couldn’t see the ocean floor. We were in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean! What in the world were we thinking?!

My panic progressed to hysterical crying. Sam asked if I wanted to go back to the boat, but I had to conquer my fear.

Everyone seemed to be doing better than I
Everyone seemed to be doing better than I

My kids tried to calm me. They kept telling me to look down but I was so scared that I couldn’t.

“Mom, there’s a huge conch shell. Look at it!” I finally got brave enough to put my face down for just a couple of seconds.

The picture isn't that clear, but the conch shell looked as huge as a dinner plate.
The picture isn’t that clear, but the conch shell looked as huge as a dinner plate.

The waves continued, and fear had not loosed its tight grip. My daughter, Jessica, kept telling me to look down again. “Mom. You have to look down! There’s a beautiful rainbow fish!”

I had to see it. I mustered up the courage to go facedown again. As I watched it swimming right below me, it turned from its upright position and started swimming sideways to display its beautiful colors. It seemed like it was maneuvering itself to show off just for me.

I'm glad I could see the vibrant pink, purple, blue and yellow rainbow fish. The photo doesn't do it justice, but my memory does.
I’m glad I could see the vibrant pink, purple, blue and yellow rainbow fish. The photo doesn’t do it justice, but my memory does.

I also saw a school of electric blue fish and a school of black fish, but just when I started getting brave, we were called back to the boat. We later heard talk that a shark had been circling our group.

The strong waves made it nearly impossible to climb back up the rocking steps, but I made it back safely with some help.  I felt victorious! I had conquered my fears and had seen some marvelous things that I never would have seen had I not been brave enough to get off the boat.

God had blessed me and taken care of my fears. My family and I excitedly discussed our exhilarating experience and admired God’s beautiful sunset over the ocean as we traveled the seven miles back to the shore.

As I think back on that day, I also think about the time that Jesus sent the disciples on a boat ahead of him while he went to pray alone. Later that night, Jesus saw the disciples straining at the oars and fighting the wind.

Jesus started walking across the water to them, and when they saw Him, they were terrified.

Jesus said to them, “Take courage! It is I. Don’t be afraid.”

“Lord, if it is you,” Peter replied, “tell me to come to you on the water.”

“Come,” he said.

So, Peter got out of the boat and began walking on the water toward Jesus. But when he saw the wind, he began to sink. He called out to Jesus to save him, and immediately, Jesus reached out his hand and caught him.

Sure, the disciples were scared as the wind and waves raged. They were scared when they saw Jesus on the water. Even Peter who was brave enough to walk on the water started sinking because he got frightened by the wind.

However, if Peter hadn’t mustered up the courage to step out of the boat, he would have never walked on the water with Jesus. He wouldn’t have experienced Jesus reaching out His hand to save him. He would have missed out on a blessing.

We all have fears, whether it is a spider, snake, storm, heights, small spaces, failure, darkness, loneliness, sickness, disease, death…. Whatever fears we must face this week, we must remember that Jesus is with us. We mustn’t let our fears hold us back from experiencing God’s blessings. We are overcomers through Jesus. Whatever our fears, may we say the same as David, “When I am afraid, I put my trust in you, Lord” (Psalm 56:3).

Marveling in our exhilarating experience
Marveling in our exhilarating experience
Sam and me watching God's beautiful sunset over the ocean
Sam and me watching God’s beautiful sunset over the ocean
The peaceful sunset after the battle in the water
The peaceful sunset after the battle in the water

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